Good morning, good evening, good afternoon, wherever you are in the world watching this broadcast. I'm Kumar Dattatreyan with Agile Meridian and the Meridian Point. Today I have the distinct pleasure to bring on stage Jerrod Zertouche. He's a unique voice in parent coaching who bridges the world of science and emotion. As a board-certified behavior analyst with over a decade of experience working with children on the autism spectrum, Jerrod discovered that the secret to transforming family dynamics isn't just in behavior modification. It's in helping parents tap into their natural intuition and emotional intelligence. Through his innovative approach combining behavioral science with emotional healing, he's helping parents break cycles of generational trauma and create lasting connections with their children. His vision is to revolutionize parent support by making it as accessible as a neighborhood coffee shop.
Thank you so much for being part of this show, Jerrod. It's a pleasure to have you on.
Thank you very much, Kumar, for the invitation.
This show is themed around disruption and innovation, and it seems to me that this is a very disruptive and innovative approach that you've taken. You've really taken a fascinating path from being a board-certified analyst working with children on the autism spectrum to becoming a parent coach. What motivated this change, this transformation?
That's a great question. I am a BCBA. I've been working with children on the spectrum for a decade. I found that behaviorism can only go so far in terms of progress - not only for the child or teenager but also for the parent. The emotional intelligence and emotional awareness education can bridge that gap from behaviorism. Behaviorism can achieve progress and results. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't see progress and results. I knew there was something more, which comes from our thoughts, our cognitive efforts, our cognition skills, and our emotions. When you put them all together, that's the bridge from behaviorism to parent coaching where I'm looking to help parents.
Regarding ABA, the behavioral side of things, there's a third wave happening right now because adults who have had ABA have reported that working on behaviors alone can cause other issues. As a behavior analyst and professional, I don't want to be associated with that approach. There must be more - different types of services we can implement and facilitate. We need to quantify because ABA is all about research-based studies. Where's the data? It's hard to quantify emotions. That's where we're at right now in science.
Maybe you can define behaviorism for me since I'm not in your world.
Behaviorism - BF Skinner is considered the godfather of it. It examines behavior by looking at the antecedents (what happens just before a behavior occurs), the behavior itself, and the consequences. As practitioners, parents, and people in the child's surroundings, we can analyze these external and environmental stimuli. We can prevent behaviors from occurring and make other behaviors more likely to occur depending on their function - why people do the things they do.
There are four functions of behavior: escape/avoidance, access to tangible or activity, attention, and automatic (self-soothing). There's also a theory of a fifth function - control. When you combine that with emotional intelligence, you can give parents more tools to understand not only their children's behavior but their own behavior as well.
So behaviorism is understanding the environment - the antecedents that cause certain behaviors, which result in certain outcomes. The coaching helps people become self-aware of their behaviors, what caused them, what the outcomes were, and how to change the inputs to achieve different behaviors.
Yes, exactly.
That's interesting because I can see the connection between behaviorism and coaching. As coaches - you as a parent coach and me as a leadership coach - we observe behaviors and look at what caused them. We help individuals become more self-aware so they can change their behavior. You mentioned five types of functions, and it really resonated with me, especially control.
For me, this comes as second nature now after ample experience. Being in people's homes and seeing parents do things that make unwanted behaviors more likely to occur through their responses to their children's behaviors - I can help them find alternative approaches. Whether it's how to phrase things or handle transitions, there are many ways we can support children based on this behaviorism model, and then we can address emotions as well.
I estimate about 75% of parenting challenges could be helped if parents understood the ABCs - antecedent, behavior, consequences. But what I've noticed is that even when parents want to respond differently and know what they should do, when things get difficult and their child has a tantrum or meltdown, they default to old patterns. They know what they should do based on advice from social media or podcasts, but applying it is different. That's where parent coaching comes in. Just talking to someone can help release emotions that prevent them from implementing what they want to do.
That's really amazing. The work you do is so much more important because you're helping parents be better parents, understand their children better, and provide an environment where their children can develop emotional intelligence. You're helping parents become more self-aware of their behaviors and understand the impact and consequences - the ABCs. I love that framework because there's such a parallel with my work in the corporate workplace. The ABCs of what people do and the dysfunction it causes in corporate life don't have the same consequences - people come to work and get paid. Your work is so much more meaningful because you're creating real disruption in a positive way within family dynamics.
Definitely. I love the stories I get from parents I support. A five-year-old who knows when to take deep breaths or tells their mom to blow out the candle or do dragon breaths - making it kid-friendly. The amount of confidence and relief parents feel through our conversations is remarkable. My goal is that if they come to me with an issue, they leave feeling better - not just about that issue but more confident in handling anything that comes their way. With parenting, there's one challenge after the next depending on children's developmental stages.
My job is to sharpen the intuition parents already have. They have natural abilities to parent from love, compassion, and empathy. I help expand their awareness of options based on their values and how they envision their child as an adult - what skills they want to impart.
I wish I'd met you when my kids were young, but then you would have been a teenager.
They sound like they're doing a great job.
They are. They're wonderful young adults, very accomplished and kind. I'm very proud of them. But as a parent, there are things I regret. I can think back and wish I'd handled certain situations differently.
Kumar, this is valuable for parents to hear. Parents, parent coaches, people who work with children - we're professionals and we still do that to ourselves. But ultimately, you repair, apologize, take accountability, take risks. My mom did an amazing job modeling that for me. Being the bigger person teaches children that we're human too, that it's okay to make mistakes, and shows them how to handle mistakes.
In our prior conversation, you mentioned that typical parenting advice like "take care of yourself" or providing tools feels shallow. How does your approach dig deeper?
Yes, typical advice can feel shallow. Here are some tools, some skills you can use. But as I said earlier, when things get difficult, it's harder to think about what someone told you to do. One effective approach I fell in love with is neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). Tony Robbins uses it, and I use it with parents to get them to a place where they feel compassion, empathy, love, and connection. When things get difficult, they're better prepared.
I do this through visualization and emotional release. With NLP, there's no storytelling needed. You don't need to share your past or air out your dirty laundry, as one parent told me. It's a safe, confidential space. These visualization practices create aha moments and help you feel what you want to feel in challenging situations. It's a skill - I tell parents that like any skill, you won't do it perfectly every time.
We're creating new neural pathways in our brain. For that to occur and solidify, we need practice. But with parenting, opportunities to practice come randomly. With the gym, you control when you go and get stronger. As a parent, there's no control over getting stronger with our nervous system. That's where our calm demeanor comes from - how strong and fit our nervous system is.
I practice with parents not just meditation and breath work, but sensory motor activities - going to the gym, running, proprioceptive pressure on our bodies, hugs. For our little ones too. And vestibular balancing - all these things strengthen our nervous system. So when things get difficult, we stay calm and collected. There's no threat in the home. When a child has big emotions, we can stay regulated because they're more likely to down-regulate when we do.
They won't react as quickly to those stimuli in a way that - the ABC right - the antecedent is whatever behavior they're observing, which may result in an unwanted consequence, and then it can cycle.
Yes, it's a vicious cycle. My job is to help parents break that cycle. If you make mistakes, repair, apologize, take accountability. Those cycles turn into cycles of connection.
Is this what you mean by sharpening parents' intuition - using NLP techniques?
Yes. When I get them into that feeling of openness - that's the best way I describe it - just open and light, our prefrontal cortex opens up, along with other parts of our brain. Our creative efforts, innovative efforts, our ability to visualize the future expands our options. It's no longer just A or B - it's A through Z, infinite different ways parents can respond.
The more we prepare parents for challenging moments, the more we do visualizations and get the body prepared, the more likely parents will be rewarded by their children's responses. They have those aha moments - "Oh, Johnny likes this" or "I could do this" or "He's done this before." In a space of innovation, love and empathy, I'm either asking questions to guide them or showing them ways to reach that openness in their bodies.
What would you say is the biggest challenge modern parents face that traditional approaches or support aren't addressing?
The emotional aspect. You mentioned parenting strategies - watching podcasts and social media, even reading books - they can only go so deep. Modern parents face scattered attention between phones and work. One of the biggest turning points I teach is quality time with loved ones. Quality time means spending even five or fifteen minutes a day doing what they want to do, not trying to teach them, but immersing yourself in their world and almost being a kid again.
Some parents are naturals; some need coaching. It's amazing what five to fifteen minutes a day without phones can do. I say attention is their currency - you're depositing currency through your attention and time into their nervous system bank. We could call it a body budget.
I remember when my kids were little, we made it a point that no matter what, we would have dinner together. This was in the nineties and two thousands. Phones weren't what they are now, but there were still plenty of distractions. That was sacred time during dinner - we'd talk about what happened during the day, what was good, what were the challenges. All of us, not just the kids, but me and my wife too.
What a visual. Thank you for that. I have a story about my teacher whose son went to college. When he left, that first Sunday which was usually their quality time, he called and said, "Mom, I still need quality time."
It's interesting because when my kids visit now, we still sit in the same positions as we used to when they were little. It's like an old habit that feels warm, like wearing a nice warm coat. It feels comforting that this tradition has survived. Every family has those things. But attention is, as you say, the currency of the soul. I still remember teachers who gave me attention - Mr. McSweeney, my geometry teacher, Mr. Reed, Ms. Lederach.
Yes, because they paid attention to me and took an interest. I still remember that. It extends beyond school to working adults - you remember relationships where people paid attention without expecting anything in return.
Absolutely. What a gift to give your child - understanding it's not transactional, it's unconditional. I'm here because I want to connect with you, I'm interested in you. I was fortunate to be in a school system where that was key. My mom is a really good active listener and validator. She doesn't know what validate means, but she exemplifies it. She had that intuition.
I would imagine that coaching parents would be sort of taboo. How do you approach that?
I'm starting a group called Parents Healing Parents on Facebook. I help parents without directing by inviting them to the Facebook group. I have regular live streams and post resources. My Instagram is also full of videos and resources. I want parent support to be like you said - in every coffee shop. Now we live in a virtual age, so having a go-to resource where you don't have to read a whole book or remember a podcast or social media post, but instead join a community of parents who want to better themselves.
In the group, you can post anonymously. Your question will probably help many other parents. I want to be as approachable and accessible as possible through the Facebook group and Instagram posts. I'm also working on workshops - one called "Boost Confidence and Emotional Resilience with Ease" and another on "Anger, Grief, and Love" focusing on emotional intelligence.
Your three-part framework - anger, grief, and love. How did you develop this understanding of the relationship between these emotions?
From my own experience with anger and outbursts. Men's circles taught me that underneath anger is sadness that males often struggle to express because it's not socially acceptable. I learned to access that softer part. I use the visual of anger as the tip of the iceberg - it's the secondary emotion. Underneath are feelings like embarrassment, frustration, humiliation, disgust, sadness, depression. And underneath that is love.
Once you create space and release emotion through tears or physical activity, it becomes easier. I had so much space cleared that wasn't serving me - wasted energy that wasn't effective. Once I released guilt and shame through this process, everything became easier.
The iceberg analogy makes sense. Like the ABC framework, there's always more beneath the surface.
It's daunting to go there, Kumar. It takes a brave soul, a courageous person. I'm doing it for my son, JJ. I'm tired of my old reactions. I know there's more to life. I feel so much better after a big cry, after a release. I didn't know how to get there before, but now I have the skills. I've sharpened them and can guide myself there, which makes it easier to guide parents as well.
If you could change one thing about how society approaches parenting support, what would that be?
It needs to be free. It needs to be a government program, and I'm working toward that. A nonprofit is the closest I'll get for now. I just saw a military program this morning for parents and children. That struck my core because we need it. As soon as someone goes to the hospital to have a baby, there should be not just information about the birth, but mental health support and parental practices that can be beneficial for behavioral techniques.
The kind of coaching you're talking about can reverse generational trauma, since patterns get passed down from generation to generation.
Those have been all of my clients, Kumar. My dad had what he calls a broken childhood, and he consciously decided not to bring that parenting style into our home. He had my mom's father to guide him, but not everyone has that support or likes their in-laws. That's how we learned to parent - it's in our bodies. My job is to unprogram those patterns and strengthen the intuition that was there from the beginning.
I'd like to share that the U.S. Surgeon General has announced that parents are struggling right now, even before the pandemic. Forty-one percent of parents say they are so overwhelmed that it's hard for them to do anything - going to work, connecting with their children, providing for the home. Compared to about thirty percent of adults generally. We're in a situation where parents should not feel alone because they're stressed or overwhelmed. That's where the anger and grief part comes in - there's a way to release that.
I want parents to know that when they need help, there's plenty of parent support available. Please join my Facebook group, Parents Healing Parents, and follow my Instagram at Jerrod with Balanced Parenting.
Don't apologize. I want to get all your information. I'm going to put it in the show notes so people watching can contact you and get the help they need. Even if you're just curious, it's free to join the Facebook group. I might join. I'm a parent, although my kids are grown, and hopefully I'll be a grandparent next year.
We need your wisdom too. Parents Healing Parents - that's my vision. Parents who have gone through it can share how they did it and how it turned out.
You're doing amazing work, Jerrod. It's really needed in the world. I celebrate you and thank you for your contributions to families. You're going to make a difference in people's lives.
We're going to do it. There are a lot of other things in the works right now - podcast with the live stream.
Let me know how I can help you. With that, we'll conclude this episode with Jerrod. Thank you so much for being here. We probably need to have you back on because I have many questions I didn't get to ask you.
Let's do it. Maybe we'll do that once your group is launched and we'll have more data about your great successes.
Thank you so much again. Thanks for watching. Talk to you all in the next episode. Bye, everyone.